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August 24th, 2000, 05:19 PM
#1
Inactive Member
Day 1.
Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.
Day 2.
Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something I don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven't noticed.
Day 3.
This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a picture of Nelson's Column and burst into tears.
Day 4.
A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fix his 'problem.' It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra,things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this will work.I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood.
Day 5.
What absolute bliss!!.
Day 6.
Isn't life wonderful but it's difficult to write while he's doing that.
Day 7.
This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. But, I have to admit it's very nice - I don't think I've ever been so happy.
Day 8.
I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed whacker. I'm also getting a bit sore down there.
Day 9.
No time to write. He might catch me.
Day 10.
Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with neat whisky!What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over....
Day 11.
I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like living with a Black and Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed. Even my armpits hurt. He's a complete pig.
Day 12.
I wish he was gay. I've stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or even washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even
yawning has become dangerous ...
Day 13.
Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops, sorry" thing again, I'll kill the bastard.
Day 14.
I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started dressing like a nun but this just seems to make him more
horny. Help me.
Day 15.
I think I'll have to kill him. I'm starting to stick to everything I sit on. The cat and dog won't go near him and our friends don't come over any more. Last night I told him to go and f**k himself and he did.
Day 16.
The bastard has started to complain about headaches. I hope the bloody thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going back on Prozac.
Day 17.
Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any difference......Christ !!! here he comes again.
Day 18. He's back on Prozac. The lazy sod just sits there in front of the TV all day with that remote control in his hand and
expects me to do everything for him. What absolute bliss!!.
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Sniff.... Sniff.... Do I Smell a sense of humor??
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August 24th, 2000, 05:22 PM
#2
HB Forum Owner
OMG *tears streaming down my face* OMG too freakin funny *LmAO*
HEY!! WHO GOT MY DIARY??????????? *lmao*
Gawd i am kidding*LOL*
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Everyone thinks i am insane.... all but my friends deep inside the earth......
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August 24th, 2000, 05:27 PM
#3
Inactive Member
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August 24th, 2000, 05:29 PM
#4
Inactive Member
hey! here's a thought... anyone who has a very funny joke (no lame ones please *L*)... post it here!
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Sniff.... Sniff.... Do I Smell a sense of humor??
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August 24th, 2000, 05:33 PM
#5
Inactive Member
It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. Now try lifting your dress up your thighs... this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy. Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell HIM you have a headache."
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Sniff.... Sniff.... Do I Smell a sense of humor??
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August 24th, 2000, 05:34 PM
#6
Inactive Member
*LOL* That was so funny*LOL*
A true classic *Wipes a tear*
By the way my mom says that if you return her diary..She's going to give him a double dose and send him round to see you.
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Moby
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August 24th, 2000, 05:38 PM
#7
Inactive Member
*LMAO* well tell yer mom i've already got one that won't quit... without viagra *LOL*
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Sniff.... Sniff.... Do I Smell a sense of humor??
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August 24th, 2000, 06:32 PM
#8
HB Forum Owner
*tears of laughter
and the gorilla goes ape!!
Wait here!...i'll BRB....k
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August 24th, 2000, 06:44 PM
#9
Inactive Member
heh heh heh. Need some cruches?
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From the foggy mists of the Medicine Bow Forest.
First member of:
Gangstas of Luv
"If my career takes a dive, don't worry, I'm like the Phinoix. I will rise again."
-Kevin Sullivan
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August 24th, 2000, 09:37 PM
#10
Inactive Member
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i posted 'em at dafunk's board, but never fear, they'll soon be here!
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